the condom got lost in my hair
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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