Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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