You're a womanizer and a bitch.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
