How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have demons in me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
