big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
