I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
