She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think my tv is drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
