He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
