Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
