Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize