Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
