I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
