I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
