I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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