Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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