its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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