Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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