had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
