But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I deserve this hangover.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
