I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
