All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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