I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
