My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
