Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
