I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
