I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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