i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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