It's like God shit irony all over that family
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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