3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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