There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize