Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
