someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
