My hand turned me down
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
