I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
