I am puke
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
