If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize