I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He better not be in your backpack
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
