There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
