My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
