She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
