she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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