are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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