What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
