wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
