yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
