mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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