we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
