he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
