omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
