I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
