im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize