What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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