Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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