I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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