tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
