Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
