No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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