after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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