It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
