You just made me feel so damn special
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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