Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
