We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize