when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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