i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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