I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
